Those Pesky Republicans

The American elections are in full swing and the Republicans seem to have decided that I need to be fully appraised of the situation, which is odd since I am a UK citizen and have no right to vote in the elections. More importantly I also have no interest in voting and if I did I certainly would not be putting my X against the Republican nomination.

However, all this does provide a fascinating insight into the workings of American political parties. An email this morning informs me that Randy Brock (really? That’s got to be made up, right?) is running to be governor of Vermont. Even more exciting is the news that  his “new website is a critical tool in giving voters a real choice, and communicating our message of creating economic opportunity and prosperity for all Vermonters.” There isn’t any detail on how a website can give voters a choice but at least the email came with an unsubscribe button. Click!

Mike Hutchins emails me to say “I am emailing you in hopes to gain your support for myself and my wife Kim to become national delegates.” Hey Mike! I’ll consider supporting you when you learn English and add an unsubscribe button to your emails. I was, however, touched by his “see you in Montpelier” line but it’s not clear if he’s paying for the flights and accommodation.

Adam Howard says that the Republicans have a problem appealing to the “young folks” but suggests that they can appeal to them by saying “look, I’m not unlike you, we share a lot of the same values, the Republican party is filled with people just like us.” He somewhat spoils this drive at equality by including a quote from the “captain of Lamoille Union High School’s lacrosse team”. I don’t know about you but if I was going to choose a sport that appealed to all it certainly wouldn’t be lacrosse.

Adam has included this story is because it re-enforced his message that he is down with the yoof. The captain recounted a story about when he was on his way to school he “saw you riding your skateboard, in a suit….” Now I would have probably thought “twat!” but the captain apparently said “I thought that was awesome.”

Once again there is no unsubscribe button so I stand a good chance of being bombarded with Adam’s twaddle again at some point before the elections are over, which is kind of depressing. To make matters worse Adam doesn’t know how to use the blind copy function in his email client and so has cc’d everyone exposing my email address to even more cretins. I thought that there was a law against this sort of thing? (I mean not putting an unsubscribe link rather than being a cretin, regrettably).

The reason that I appear to be getting this flood of messages is because they are aimed at one Don Williams who either doesn’t remember his email address too well or it has been entered incorrectly by enthusiastic party workers at the Republicans. Don must be really upset that his inbox is devoid of Republican party propaganda but Don, if you are out there, I will happily forward it on to you. Just send me an email…